As I mentioned before, I often delete posts as I am writing them. I think however, these thoughts should go out.
I have had several work colleagues ask how Pennsic was. Pennsic had several high points but it was for the most part miserable. Most of it was the weather. I was there for 10 days and most days were very hot. My brain just didn’t function right in that heat. The days that weren’t very hot were very wet. That limited some of what I could do. Some of the things I wanted to do were cancelled or just not worth getting soaked for.
But more than that is why did I go and what did I learn. I went because there were things I wanted to do. I had deliveries to make and I wanted to make sure Gunnar had a good time. And I have shopping I needed to do and Pennsic would have that. I learned about the imbalance in some of my relationships and sometimes I am more generous than I should be.
I unconsciously did two things at Pennsic before I became aware I was doing them. I started telling certain people how they were important to me. I think most people were taken a little back by it but ultimately knew it came from an authentic space. Some of those people got a sample of the culmination (to date) of my A&S path in the SCA. At some point, I realized I was doing this and it felt a little like a good bye tour. That isn’t what it was or is. I may be more selective in what I go to going forward but I don’t see stopping the SCA in the future. But I learned that for some, I am merely an acquaintance, even if I thought there was more there. That is fine. Better to learn that sooner than later.
I also started paying more attention to spaces were I was truly welcome. There were fewer of them that I thought. Again, this is fine. Better to learn this sooner than later.
I made an acquaintance who said to me that (I am paraphrasing here), Pennsic is a bunch of people in the same space doing their own thing. I thought about this. I did notice that theater people tended to be at theater events. Music people tended to be at music events. Scribes huddle with their pens, inks, and colors and do their thing. So on and so forth. I mean I really noticed. I would attend commedia performance and most of the audience would be other commedia people. Not all but most.
Then I thought about me. I am at this commedia thing. I am at this music thing. I am at a thrown weapons thing. I am talking with scribes and heralds, and service oriented people, and a few cooks, glass workers, and silver smiths, and etc. I even had a good encounter with the Tuchux! If many people are in their silos, why am I not in a silo?
There are many gifts Verena gave to me but I think adopting me into her bar was among the greatest. Because the tavern keeper interacts with nearly everyone. I am not just at Pennsic (or any event) to just be with “my people”. “My people” has a bigger definition. A tavern doesn’t run without brewers, cooks, entertainment, customers, and servers, in short, everyone.
Pennsic is often called home. When you go there, they say “welcome home.” Pennsic for many is work. Some things need a large number of people to do well and Pennsic is one of the few places you will get enough people to do that. So, it is work for those who put on the battles, and the performance, and the activities so others can enjoy it. Pennsic for me is where the magic can happen but it isn’t home. I had two magical moments and that may be more than my share. Pennsic for me has been a learning experience.
I am not saying I will not go again but I can’t help but ponder the lessons I have been taught. There are other places where I am more welcome. There are other places I can make a difference. There is another place that is truly home. I will try to spend more time in those places and with those people.
I have often written a partial post and deleted it. I just got to the point where whatever rant I had didn’t seem worth it anymore. So, perhaps I should post something other than a rant!
I am slowly making some progress on the Apple Tunic. I have watched a lot of videos on making what is really a simple garmet. I try to find time each week to a little more. The problem is with our jobs, Gertie and I are just drained when we get home. But I do ultimately think I can do this and dare I say it, enjoy it? I have body panels and a neck hole of an undertunic.
I learned that there will be slings at Pennsic. I later learned that slings have been legal in some kingdoms for almost 10 years! I have no idea why I think this is cool and want to do it. I don’t think I can shot archery well anymore. My form is bad and some arthritis make holding the arrows and string awkward. But maybe thrown weapons will not be so bad. I am aware that slings were pretty much out of use by the late Medieval period but they were the ranged weapon of the Classical period. I am pretty excited to try and see what I can do.
I will be on walkabout for Pennsic. I am going but Gertie is not. I don’t like being away from her and I know she doesn’t like being away from me but I am looking forward to it. There are some things I want to do and Pennsic is where I need to do them.
Not the least of them is saying goodbye to my Father. I doubt it ever occurred to my parents that their weird kid would honor them both with a pseudo-Viking funeral but there we are. Gotta make a shield for my Father and hope his finds peace.
Now to start work. I have some of the undertunic done but I have decided to start on the hood. One, I have made hoods before so I have some good ideas how that should work. Two, it will be one of the more visible elements of the outfit.
Here is the mock up.
I have printed the embroidery bits on Sulky so I can adhere them to the cloth, stitch the patterns, then wash the backing away. The wreath will be applique and a bit smaller than I wanted. But only a bit. It is ~8.25″ in diameter so you will see a lot of it. The apples and stick are about 3″ high by 3.5″ wide. I figure there will be ~ 15 of them on the hood itself. The hood will be lined with a darker green on the inside. I took the designs for both from the Traceable Heraldry site https://heraldicart.org/credits. My use of these images are for SCA use and for my personal use only. I have no intend to sell or represent these designs as my own.
It is nearly one year since I was put on vigil to be a Laurel. I did a small number of events up until Crystal Ball that year then I had a bunch of other things that needed my attention. I do still have some things that need my attention, like Gertie’s upcoming surgery, but seeing everyone at Pennsic has my Took side looking to emerge.
One thing I dearly missed was my friend’s vigil and elevation to the Laurelate in Atlantia. Sophia the Orange had her vigil at Pennsic 50 and I dearly wanted to be there but my other obligations took all my money and vacation time. I had Parvati make this medallion for her though and it is now in her hands.
I hope it brings her joy. I know I have several medallions so I will not be upset if she doesn’t wear it.
Rambling aside: I have sometimes been accused of fake generosity. That somehow my desire to give a gift is meant to be more than a gift. I am not really sure what is meant by this criticism. I am not sure how much stock I put in “love language” but it is clear to me that gifting is one of my love languages. If I feel like I should give you a gift, it means you are important to me. Acts of service are also a love language (doing something for someone is just a different kind of gift). Now, all human interaction is ultimately a desire for reciprocity. It is how we as social animals build bonds and a society. That said, I have been burned when someone has said they would do something for me but then didn’t. That doesn’t change my desire to gift; it just refines who is on that list.
I reminded myself of a question Master John asked me at Pennsic last year, after I was put on vigil, “What is your next big thing?” It has taken a year but I think I have it.
I have mentioned the Apple Tunic before. I have started on it FINALLY. It is intended to be FANCY. First, we will start with the under tunic, then the over tunic, then pants and a hood. I have the pattern for the tunic skirt (the tiny ones; sorry). I will tablet weave more trim. I will add beaded flowers to the hood, and probably laurel leaves, and a cloak, with the knotwork swans that Astrid made me. It will be a lot of work.
That said, who is Oswyn of Baðon still escapes me. I am weird in that my personae need to be someone who could have existed. I need a backstory. Oswyn Swann existed before the vinegrier but once I learned more about vinegar and vinigriers, the personae came into being. But who is my original persona? Cider is really not in period for him but it could be. The stained glass and fused glass I do are decidedly modern.
My glass work has suffered lately. The glass shop I had gone to is mostly closed now. I don’t have a kiln for fused glass and given my personal circumstance it is unlikely to be happen. I had made a few mosaics in the past. Why not focus more on that?
I know when I am serious about a project when I have a grand idea for it. What if I redid my deck as a huge mosaic? What if I did the knotwork swans as that huge thing? There is the hook. I will work towards that.
I also wanted a project that I could take to Crafter’s Greens, etc. I can’t really bring vinegars or ciders. Sometimes the site doesn’t allow alcohol and really, it is the yeast or bacteria doing the work so it is kind of boring to watch. I tablet weave because I need to, not because I love it. And my sewing/embroidery will have to get better to do the Apple Tunic but I don’t feel it is who Oswyn is.
But a mosaic artist? Maybe. I don’t think there is any evidence that Anglo Saxons did much mosaic. They would have known about them from Roman ruins and notable Anglo Saxons travelled and so would have seen them. There was even a section of Rome, the Schola Anglorum, that was established by English for English pilgrims. Perhaps this is what Oswyn of Nova Londini (my third persona) would have done. Travel the world as a mosaic artist.
In any case, I have several projects I would like to do with mosaics. The deck is one. Adding mosaic to my vinegar cart is another. And just making pretty things for my house with the scrap glass I have.
I explored the headspace of becoming a Peer. I think this is the wrap up for this phase: the thinking.
As of right now, I think the euphoria of the ceremony has worn off and I am considering the question: what now?
Regardless of the elevation, I knew I would be doing less SCA stuff for the next year. And I told people as much. I want to go to CiderCon in January. Gertie and I have our 20th anniversary to celebrate. We have a trip planned with friends. After my mother died, I developed a bucket list of things I wanted to do and with the small inheritance, the means to do some of them. So, I knew I would do less SCA in the next 12 months. But I am also thinking, what now?
Up until Pennsic 49, I was focused on doing the vinegrier thing. I had plans to start branching into Asian vinegars. I had plans to work more with the ciders, which I am doing. But all of this was dependent on the vinegrier being a mild success. It is like running a race; when you reach the finish line, what is next?
I find myself in my head. What does this really mean? I was asked today if I wanted my byline for a class I will teach to be Master Oswyn Swann. I initially said “no”. I wasn’t trying to deny my new status. I was trying to minimize it. I rarely call my peer friends by their titles. And when I do, it is usually playfully. But then I replied back, “Yes, Master Oswyn Swann because it is what that class is about.” It is not that I am uncomfortable with the title; I remade my SCA business cards immediately with Master Oswyn Swann. But I am not sure where I go next?
You often get the advice of “keep doing what you are doing.” As a non-peer, that was frustrating advice. You want to know how to make it to next level. You want to know what you don’t know. As much as “keep doing what you are doing” is often the correct advice, as a non-peer, you don’t want to hear that.
I was also given the advice of “keep doing what you are doing” at my vigil. Again, I think it is the correct advice but it feels hollow.
I think the juxtaposition of the two is interesting. Frustrating verses ennui. It is probably just how I am. I often get passionate about something and I am never as interesting as when I have a new passion to talk about. But some times, I have done as much as I want with that thing. Where is my new inspiration? To quote Inigo, “I hate waiting.”
I don’t think I have any meaningful insight to share here. Other things need my attention and I find myself wondering what my next step is. The advice that parses to “take some time to figure out who Master Oswyn is” initially fell on deaf ears but now is sublime. Yeah, I need to figure out who this guy is now.
My Pelican asked me this recently. I also had a conversation with His Majesty Dag about it. Can Service be taught?
I have learned a few things from these conversations. There are those who feel that service can not be taught. They feel it is something you either are called to or not. There are those who feel that proteges can not become Pelicans. This seems to be because the belief is that a Pelican is self-made. If you had been a protege, then you had service instilled in you, and therefore, you didn’t already possess it yourself.
These reasons seem to suggest that the desire for service is something innate and rare. They also seem to suggest that service must be achieved alone.
First, let’s look at the myth of the self-made man. There are no self-made people. You are part of a species that evolved to nurture its young well into maturity. At the very least, all humans have parents and a community that provides for them. There is a biological imperative to nurture. Beyond just parents, our species evolved to have complex social interactions and live in social groups. In those groups, everyone has a role and has a responsibility to that group for mutual survival. There is a hierarchy. Beyond that, our species evolved socially to specialize in labor. Because others farm, hunt, gather, and make, you don’t necessarily have to. Our modern society is built on the specialization of labor. The closest to a self-made man would be a lone hunter/gatherer. That person could potentially depend on no one going forward.
You have relied upon support from your species to allow you to be something other than a hunter/gatherer. You need to depend on others to be anything.
And helping others to be better helps you. When they perform better, you perform better. That is very basic service.
As stated above, there is a biological imperative for humans to nurture. Humans develop and maintain friendships and other connections with other humans. Nurturing is an act of service. And therefore, everyone has the innate need to nurture.
The desire for serve is innate but it is not rare. All humans have it. Therefore, it doesn’t matter if one was a protege or not, you already have the desire for service.
Next, what do we mean by service? Service exists in many forms, especially in the SCA. The service that makes one a Pelican, though, is not the same as the service needed for a Purple Fret or a Dragon’s Heart.
I have heard it said a few times that you can’t wash enough dishes to be a Pelican. The Pelican represents the height of service, but if washing dishes isn’t the service we are talking about, what is the service we are talking about? We are talking about finding a problem and solving it. We are talking about fixing a system that was broken. We are talking about providing leadership in a struggling area. We are talking about building something new that everyone now wants to be part of. This is management. This is leadership. This is service.
Management and leadership can be taught. Our military spends billions of dollars each year teaching people leadership. Our corporations spend millions of dollars each year teaching people leadership. Our leaders spend hundreds of thousands of volunteer hours teaching others to be leaders. This all happens through schools, mentorship programs, self-help materials, seminars, retreats, and countless other ways to take the well-known concepts of leadership and teach others when and how to use them.
All of these discussions seem unusual to have in the SCA. The Peerage orders are built on a system of dependents. This is mentorship. And yet, isn’t it odd to learn that some of those in the service order think that because you were mentored by someone, you can’t reach at the pinnacle of that same service order? That is unbelievable. The very symbol of the Order suggests that you must have and must help those dependents. Why is the adult pelican feeding its young its own lifeblood? So that the young will never become adults themselves? This makes no sense.
Beyond leadership though, the desire to serve others can be taught. And again, the SCA already has a mechanism to foster it. You reinforce the behavior you want. Perform service and get a reward. That reward can be as simple as a dopamine hit or a complex as a hand-drawn scroll. You are teaching people to perform service.
Coming back to the question “can service/leadership be taught?” We should be teaching it. While the desire to serve is innate and common, exactly how to do it can be mysterious. As a species, we don’t transmit memories and skills through DNA. Pretty much all of our skills must be learned and honed. Likewise, service and leadership also require training. As above, as a culture, we spend a lot of resources on it already.
The education in these areas help to enforce best practices, to expose one to rare situations, and to understand how service and leadership have evolved. There are definitely outdated and wrong ways to do it. Hence why the topics of management and leadership are ever changing. Some changes disprove entire old ways of thinking. Some changes are minor tweaks to previous models. Many successful tactics are counter-intuitive and therefore the evidence and education are needed to understand why this tactic works better than that tactic.
Basic service can be taught. The proper way to wash a dish or sweep a floor is a teachable subject. To enjoy that task can be taught. It can be done through praise, through teaching understanding on how the task relates to a larger picture, or through rewards. Management and leadership can be taught. There are whole courses, degrees, and certifications devoted to these subjects. Because of who humans are as a species, there is no self-made person and everyone has the ability and desire to nurture others.
The idea that mentorship and community are exclusive to selfless service is wrong. In fact, selfless service is defined by the idea of both. You give to others so they can be better. This builds communities. By your example, they learn to also be selfless. This is mentorship. The symbol of the Order shows it all: you give of yourself so others can thrive and become like you.
At Pennsic, after my vigil was announced, a common question was “what is the next big project?” I had been thinking about what I call the “apple tunic” for a while before this. It is time to at least start, baby steps, on that project.
First, let’s look at what I have.
This is my brown tunic set that I call my brewing tunic. The photo of the trim didn’t turn out. I wear this tunic often as it is comfortable and the sleeves roll up nicely to get them out of the way for activities.
This is another common tunic I wear. It has more my persona play in it. I claim in my persona play that Oswyn of Baðon is half Welsh and the pants are made from a blanket his mother had. The Welsh are known for some crazy color combinations. I made the trim in all photos.
This is a tunic I wear rarely. It is tight, especially in the sleeves. I have definitely put on a few pounds since it was made as well. I call this my teaching tunic. But since I am mostly teaching “messy” things anymore, I wear the brown more often. Again, trim by me.
This is my swan tunic. Until my elevation garb, it was my “fancy” garb. The swan trim was purchased from Calontir Trim but I did the tablet woven trim. I added the laurel cloak to see how it would look. Not too bad.
These are items that will be part of the apple tunic. The green hood, the apple tree pouch, the off white winnegas, and the apple necklace. I will make a laurel medallion to go on the necklace.
It is hard to see but this is the bayeux tapestry style cartoon I commissioned.
It is hard to tell but these are two different shades of red. The left is “redwood” and the right is probably “wine”. I love the dark wine one but I think the left one is more appropriate for this project.
I will need to learn how to sew properly and embroider to do this project. I will likely have to make a cloak in a different color in case I need to attend court as a laurel. So I have a lot of new skills to make a very fancy, early period set.
I spend a lot of time with Oswyn Swann. Time to give Oswyn of Baðon some love.
Although I haven’t sat my vigil yet, people have started giving me advice.
I am okay with that. For those that have, it is likely they won’t make my vigil or it was easier to grab me when they did. I am all in favor of advice. It is like feedback though. Earlier in my blog, I talk about feedback and advice is kind of like future-tense feedback. It is like giving feedback before you make it to the event that you might get feedback about. And that is a good thing.
Like feedback, you should give some thought to your advice. I have gotten a few of the old chestnuts so far. I understand the appeal of the old chestnut. After all, someone has to give that advice and if you don’t know the person well, giving tried and true advice is better than nothing. But really good advice takes forethought.
For instance, “look before you leap” is often good advice. But if I am not ever inclined to leap, it isn’t very practical advice. So give some thought to your advice. What do you know about the person you are giving advice to? Are they the kind of person who needs the warning/advice you are going to give? Is there different advice you might give that is more in line with the person’s likely actions/disposition?
Some old chestnuts are just not applicable. “Don’t take any wooden nickels” might have meant something at one time but my local farmer’s market allows you to exchange money for wooden tokens that the vendors do accept. In this particular case, “don’t take any wooden nickels” is the opposite of what should happen. I mentioned in my liminal spaces entry that I have to parse the advice to see what is actually being said.
I fall into the trap as well. Having something pithy to say feels smart. My normal advice is “make your presence normal, not notable.” But for someone who is already omnipresent, is this really the best advice I could give? No. I should spend some time thinking about it.
I have found the best advice so far as been as a conversation, not a one-liner. Share your experience. “When I started out, I did this and this is what happened.” Or at least start a dialogue.
I was asked, “what advice would you like?” I replied, “I need advice on how to peer. How do I evaluate someone’s work?” The person said, “we wouldn’t have chosen you if you already didn’t know how to do that.” That may be but since I am asking, I am not confident in myself. So let’s have a conversation about what asked. Maybe our conversation will illuminate something I was unsure about or give me a point of view I hadn’t thought about. Maybe our conversation will give each of us something to think about.
Some of the best advice so far was also given to my wife. I think that is important in this case. It never hurts to remind me that she is important. It doesn’t hurt to give her advice on how to be the spouse of a peer when she isn’t one.
I have framed this in response to becoming a Peer but really this can apply whenever you give advice. Think about what the other person needs to hear, based on their circumstances. Think about what they actually asked to know more about.
I do truly thank everyone who has given me advice so far. It has not fallen on deaf ears. I am taking it in, deciding what it really means and how/whether I should act on it. These are all valid exercises.
Just some more thoughts while I am in this liminal space.
For the past several weeks, I have been a vigilant and this past weekend (Sept 3, 2022), I was at an event and the Order of the Laurel was called up. I didn’t go with them. One of the Laurels approached me later and asked, “why didn’t you go up?”
“I am not a laurel yet.” I replied.
“A formality,” they challenged.
“An important formality,” I answered. And with that, the conversation stopped.
I have heard of times when a vigilant is basically hauled by the shirt collar up with the order or thrust into a peerage meeting before they have even been officially made a peer. To each their own I suppose but I think it is wrong. I think the time between vigilant and peer is important in many ways and when it is allowed to happen, the vigilant should be allowed to experience that time.
The making of a peer is an initiation ceremony and a rite of passage. It is the ending of one part of one’s life and the beginning of another. Western society has precious few of these anymore and we should ensure the ones we have left are treated as meaningful and important. The SCA has decided (most times) that this is important so we put people on vigil.
The whole point to a vigil is introspection. In the Arthurian sense, the vigil before knighthood was a time to pray, purify, and make one right and whole with God. For only in a state of Grace, could one be made a Knight. But still in the SCA sense, the vigil is a time to think about how one might be worthy of the honor to be bestowed, what it will mean to be a peer, how things might be different as a peer, and to process the variety of advice one will receive. We like to think of the “vigil” as that discreet moment in time that one has their “party”. But I think it is unlikely that a person will have the time to process these important questions in the few hours that the “vigil” lasts. As I am sure many peers will agree, it may take years or decades to fully understand the transformations. The vigil lasts until the person knows they are ready.
Part of being a vigilant would also be observation. How does one do these tasks? Will it be with seriousness or mirth? As a stoic or an epicurian? What tasks am I being asked to do? You look with different eyes at many things. As a non-peer, seeing the order called up has a very different meaning than as a vigilant and then again as a peer of that order. Is there an unconscious order of precedence at play? Do certain members defer to others? Do certain members hang to the back or push to the front? Are newer peers expected to speak last or first? There are many unwritten rules that could be there (regardless of whether they actually are).
Lastly, in my case, obviously, the Order knew what was happening. At any time, I could have been pulled aside and told, “so-and-so will be put on vigil today. Please come up with the Order.” That to me would have been clear sign that the distinction between vigilant and peer is a thin line indeed. I might not have access to the lists yet but everyone in the order knew that. A private word to put me on the same information level as the others would have been proof positive that I was on the same level.
I don’t really mind though. I am enjoying this time between non-peer and peer. I am looking with new eyes how things are done and what that means for me. Because I can honestly say I am not yet a peer, I have some freedom. I don’t YET have the responsibilities of a peer but I know they are coming. I can spend the time thinking, observing, and processing things without having to do something about it yet.
Others have and will argue that this is a false division. You were put on vigil because you were recognized as the peer you always were. I even asked about that. “I would like advice on how to peer.” The response was (in a nice way), “you already know how to do that because we wouldn’t have made you one without it.” There is a world of difference between what I think I know and what you think I know. I would like to hear your take on it. Maybe you will say something I didn’t know or think about. Maybe we can have a conversation about the topic using your advice as a starting point. I am new at this. Assume I know nothing. At the very least, we will then have a common set of facts to work from.
I believe part of being a vigilant is also parsing the advice given. Let’s take for instance the common advice of “don’t take a dependent for a year.” Is there something magical about a year? Is there something wrong about taking a dependent before a year? The real advice is “take the time to learn who you are as a peer before taking a dependent.” That is the parse of the advice. The advice also reinforces that a vigilant needs time to understand what being a peer means to them.
In some ways, this is a similar space as between engaged and married. Sometimes, with some people, wearing that ring changes everything about them. Sometimes, the transition is seamless. Ideally, the space between engaged and married allows for time to think, grow, process, and accept, regardless of how ready you thought you might be.
I find the space between vigilant and peer to be similar space. I am watching, learning, and thinking about a lot, even with the small amount of advice I have been given. Even with the all of the time I have thought about making it to this status. I think that is important place for any vigilant. Soon, this space will be gone. Allow me to enjoy it while it remains.
I will be telling this story as best I can, chronologically from my point of view. Many things were going on outside of my knowledge that I later learned about but I think it will be cleaner to learn things when I learn them.
I like plans and I had one for a long time. I was going to go to Pennsic and demonstrate what a vinegrier was. I was going to demonstrate how vinegar was sold in late Period. I worked with my friend to build a wheelbarrow. I had barrels. I had vinegar. Then COVID. I had more time to do it all better. I built a new persona, bought a new outfit, and spent more time on the project. Then another Pennsic cancelled. I had 40L of vinegar now. My mother passed away. I gained a new job. Gertie developed back issues. But the actual time was coming together.
I learned that two of the things I really want to do, I can’t. Sophia’s Improv shows are during a party I was hosting and during Midrealm Court.
My friend who was going to take some of my stuff couldn’t go. Okay. I bought a van that could pull a trailer for a reason. Time to make that happen. I had a hitch installed. I borrowed my friend’s trailer. I was taking my student so I needed more room yet. I was terrified. What if I wreck? What if I sideswipe someone? What if I get sideswiped?
Wednesday 8/3 comes around. The plan is to go to bed early and hit the road around 4:00 am. I leave work slightly early as the heavens open up. I am thinking, “crap! How am I going to get the trailer hooked up in this?” The rain lets up some. I get the van and trailer on the street except the hitch bottoms out and scraps the driveway. I call Gertie to warn her about the monsoon headed her way. She gets home late because of the storm. Then it is decided, “let’s just leave now!” Sure, why not.
Except, I forget to get the clothes I was going to wear and to get my beat up shoes. But we leave. And drive through that storm for the third time as we make it to just about Ohio. As we call about hotels, we learn most are booked. Maybe because of GenCon but maybe because of college move-in days. We do find a hotel and get ready for the next day.
Back on the road and we go through pouring rain yet again. I don’t know if it is the same storm but it sure seemed like it. We get to Troll. More rain delays us. Now troubles begin in earnest. My friend is staying up Bronwen’s Way. I take the fully loaded van and trailer up the mud/dirt roads until I can’t go up anymore. The wheels just spin. The trailer gets stuck in the ditch to the right. The van skids and gets stuck in the ditch to the left. The advice is “call the Coopers. They will send one of their tractors to get you out.” Except, when I call, the Coopers say they don’t do that anymore. Gytha sends for a brute squad from some Aethelmearcians around the corner. Turns out they are all ex-Army and some are vehicle recovery specialists. A Ford 4×4 and heavy chain later, the van and such are free and pointed DOWN Bronwen’s Way. It later turns out this was an Aethelmearc Duke who had just stepped down from the Throne!
We make it to our camp and get things set up. It took ~ 4 hours to get things set up from Trolling in. Good thing we left early. We go into “town”. I buy a beautiful leather pouch that will go with the Apple tunic idea I have. We buy some wooden chairs, a box loom, and a mirror box as well. Thursday night, there is more rain and in the middle of the night, I feel drops. I assume it is condensation. It happens with the moist breathe inside and cooler air outside.
Friday comes around. Gertie can’t sleep because the cot is slanted. I try a few things for that. The day is generally misty but too warm. I spend the day trying to find people to give them things. Someone’s bow, vinegar I brought, finding their camps, etc. Everything is muddy. Everything takes 3 times longer then it should. I drop things constantly. The heavens again open up. It is most likely because I keep telling Zeus he is an asshole.
See people kept saying that I must have pissed off Thor. Thor is often the friend of man. But Zeus? Zeus has issues. And yes I did say he was an asshole several times. I was feeling more Greek than Norse with my worship. We invoked Hermes earlier and made it here safely. As final evidence, the sheets of rain were too much for our tent and for the merchant who we bought the chairs from. The waterproofing on our tent gives out and we get inches of water in the tent. Anything paper is ruined. That meant most of my A&S display, my driving directions, etc. I mainly use dissolvable labels on my products. Those have dissolved. The bedding is soaked. Many of Gertie’s clothes are wet. The brand new leather pouch spent hours in a puddle, causing the dye to run. We frantically throw things in bins to protect them in case it rains some more.
I go to the van, drop the trailer, and we go to a hotel. The hotel has availability for the rest of the week so we reserve it, just in case. To add insult to injury, Siri’s decides to play Depeche Mode’s Wrong as I start the van. The song is about everything being wrong, “I was born in the wrong house of the wrong sign with the wrong ascendency.” You get the idea. We get a good shower and a good night’s sleep. But I had determined at this point that since there hasn’t been a Pennsic for 2 years, there are 3 years (those 2 plus the current one) of bad things that have to happen at this one.
At some point in this, I find the longship and make shields for my Mom, Maelcom, and my cat, Kalliope. They are very simple because I am not an artist!
Also at some point we make it to Hobbitronic and Froderick finally gets garb!
Saturday is spent mostly in the laundrymat. We go to camp to get everything and assess the damage. Since I determined the tent is ruined, I eventually decide to just cut the tent to let the water out. Everything is packed in the van and we go to the laundrymat. That part wasn’t too bad. Gertie needs something to eat so I go to the LJS/A&W nearby. That takes forever. They are understaffed which is not unusual. Three orders are gotten wrong and the staff is talking about how customers are scamming them. One customer is talking loudly about his very conservative political views. The ice cream floats are mostly melted but I get back to the laundrymat. I missed the Opening Ceremonies that I wanted to be part of. Most of the day, Gertie and I were saying how we weren’t going to go to Pennsic again. How maybe we should just go home. Or at least go home early. We were hot, tired, miserable, and spending money like crazy. I had also decided I didn’t have the spoons for some things. I pretty much couldn’t do the A&S display so I contact the coordinator for that and cancel. I had unofficially agreed to bartend Court. I spread the word that I am out for that.
Then back to camp. Our campmates lend us a tent. We re-set up. It is too late to cancel the hotel for this night so we will hotel it again. I do get to see Surreptitious Whiskey perform that evening. Being greeted by friends helped a lot. It really did. I wander to Sophia’s camp as well. I think she loved Froderick more than me 🙂 And that is okay.
Sunday comes around and I have a big obligation this day. The Drunken Duck was asked to serve drinks for the Newcomer’s Party. I am cranky because of the days before. I had planned to just cart my stuff to Midrealm Royal, figuring it will take 1.5 hours to do so. Gertie insists and she is right that I pack up the van and drive the stuff there. First though, I go to the A&S display.
Then to the Newcomer’s Party. I am there very early apparently and I would later learn, I made some people mad. I had 30 minutes between the end of the last party and the start of mine. With kegs and set-up, I didn’t feel I had enough time. Technically, I was responsible for the drinks only. But decisions needed to be made so I made them. Non-alcohol on one side, alcohol on the other, food in the middle, kids activities in the back. Actually, I think the party went well except for making whomever mad and forgetting Duke Talymar’s household for the “thank you’s” at last call. I did make another announcement to thank them.
As the party is winding down, Gertie asks me to get a tarot reading from Dr. Best. I am reluctant. One, I am perfectly capable of doing my own reading if I wanted one. Two, as much as I like plans, I don’t like knowing my own fortune. It is way too easy to read what you want in the cards. But she insists and I have put her through hell so far so if this is something she wants, I will do.
I center myself, spread the cards out, and draw the 5 of wands, queen of coins, and 10 of wands. Henry reads this as mostly reaching the end of one journey of creativity, gaining status, and starting a new journey of creativity. I am dubious as that is not what 5 and 10’s mean to me but it is his deck and his reading. He does comment that no one has centered themselves as long as I have. I do feel somewhat comforted by this as I am nervous about tomorrow and maybe the bad luck of the last few days have passed.
I call for last call, giving thanks to those who donated to the Duck, give a salute to Maelcolm and Verena. And correct the error of forgetting Talymar’s house. I repack the van and drive to parking. Somehow, Gertie and Jhondo make it back way later than me. We stay up for a bit and Gertie asks me to sing and I can’t remember any songs.
I think this is when I have two of the revelations I would have this War. I had been thinking about the difference between Fate and Wyrd. Let’s say you get a prophecy that you will die to a dragon. If you look at it as Fate, you avoid dragons. You do everything to not be near dragons. But somehow, despite all of this, you will end up dead by one. But if you look at it as Wyrd, then you train as hard as you can to kill dragons. Each dragon you slay is not the one destined to kill you. Until the end of it all, the biggest, baddest dragon of all comes within your reach. You fight valiantly, gloriously. Then it kiils you. You died in an epic battle that is immortalized through the ages.
The other is a conversation with Master John. He asks what my next project is. I talk about the Apple Tunic I want to do. He says, “you are really a goal oriented person, aren’t you?” I am. I need to know what I am working for. When I start a new skill, I need to know what big thing I am working for. I am willing to do the small steps but I need to see the other side of the chasm I am leaping over.
I think what what I did to make someone mad about the party is about the leftovers from the Queen’s Tea, especially the drinks. I was offered the leftover alcohol from the Queen’s Tea several times. I did say that I would try to work them in but I wanted to set up what I had brought. I have 7 kegs worth of stuff and multiple cordials. The whole point to the Drunken Duck is to promote what homebrewers are doing. Because of dry sites and such, parties like this are a rare opportunity to show what we can do. Also, I felt is was like asking an accomplished cook to work in a bag of McDonald’s hamburgers to the menu. Did I get rude? Possibly by the third time I was asked. Again, in my mind, I had 30 minutes to reset this scene and setup. I felt I was watched and on the verge of failure. I don’t expect anyone else to be responsible for my anxiety but I would be foolish to not acknowledge it myself. If you are reading this, and I insulted or was rude to you, I apologize.
Sunday is over and Monday arrives. It is now do or die time. I sent up the cart in the morning. I make it to the first class for this war. I have missed 9 classes so far! Then back to camp and to be a vinegrier. I am nervous. Will people get it? Will I fall out of character? Will I go home with 40L of vinegar? Off we go! And the cotter pins fall out. Every 10 feet or so, they fall out. Gunnar and Redi are now tasked with watching the pins. We eventually just bend the heck out of them so they can’t fall out. OH! I forgot to mention that with the rains earlier, everything I have with wood is swollen. I break one of the banner pole bases and I have a hard time gettings the fake mortise joints in the cart.
But all fears were for naught. People got it. People enjoyed it. I was less concerned that the product was liked; I had made it for a while and knew it was a good product. But people played along and got the experience. Three customers in and I knew it was successful. Each stop was a lighter cart. We hit Midrealm Royal as the Craftsperson’s Green was going on. As Gunnar said, we were “fashionably late.” It turns out Her Highness loves vinegar. Vessel is acquired and approval given.
Then we go to Aethelmearc Royal. The Harbinger greets us and takes us back to the cook. The scribes want vinegar too. Later that day, I knew I had done the thing right. I run into Roana. She mentions that Their Majesties Aethelmearc heard that I had given a real medieval experience to one of theirs and went to Their Majesties Middle to praise me! All throughout the day people are complimenting me on my outfit. I do like this outfit!
Now we get to another revelation. I had for a while being thinking about whether I have done anything meaningful in the SCA and where my self-worth was. By meaningful, I mean something specific. The SCA is better for me being in it. I don’t mean the friendships along the way. They are meaningful in themselves. For example, being Caer Gwyn’s exchequer for 7 years isn’t meaningful. Someone was going to do the job and there were no significant changes due to me doing it.
I started thinking. Sage of the RUM is an honorary degree in RUM that I helped set up. I am the first Sage of the RUM that I didn’t make. That was something. To my knowledge, I am the only vinegrier in the SCA. I just gave someone a moment of the Dream Made Real. These are meaningful. I realized that though I wanted to be a Peer still, I no longer NEEDED to be one to have worth (in my own eyes).
Monday night, I go to see some Commedia and attend the Bacchanial party. I didn’t think the Bacchanial was my kind of party. One, I can’t see anything anyway (being too short). Two, I would have preferred good conversation anyway.
Tuesday rolls around and I am feeling better about this. I have three classes to take and one to teach. Gertie is telling me that I need a new outfit for Court. I am somewhat wondering “why?” I have my swan tunic and that will be good enough. I am not going to be called up. But as word of what I did spreads and people I don’t even know tell me they enjoyed the experience or vinegar, perhaps I will be getting an award. And I am nothing if not Gertie’s dress up doll, so why not? Gunnar and I joke that we should make paper Oswyn dolls for dress up play. I go to get the jerkin altered.
My class is good but I am serving alcohol so I am not surprised.
I was supposed to go to the Sake party but we decided to stay in camp and that is when Surreptitious Whiskey came to the camp on a FyreCrawl!
Somewhere in here, one of our camp mates gets heat stroke. That was either Wednesday or Thursday, I think. Also Gertie stays in camp a few times.
Wednesday is the day I need to help take care of Gunnar. Gunnar had decided that he really needed to win the Laurel A&S competition and my job is to keep him sane. So I attend to him for a while. Other friends of ours are there and we start joking about how often I am wrong. At first, it is kinda of funny but at some point, it stops being funny to me. I didn’t say anything to anyone. I just started to realize that it wasn’t funny. Gunnar sends me away since his judges are coming. Another revelation hits. I need to change my self-talk. No wonder my brain weasels know what to say to me to bring me down; I give them their lines! This will be hard but I will try to change my self-talk.
I go to teach my vinegar class and it is PACKED! Near the beginning, Their Majesties Aethelmearc come to my class and present me with 2 “gold” guilders as payment for my services! Now I know I did something important. And I am a “professional” now that I have gotten paid. As far as I know, these were struck by His Majesty’s own hand. I am floored.
Gunnar wins the Laurel A&S competition! He is now constantly saying, “his house has done very well this war.” He is auctioning most of the jewelry for Midnight Madness. Then Midnight Madness.
We did a lot of shopping during Midnight Madness, including a Turkish outfit a piece. More money being spent. At least we had it to spend.
Thursday is Midrealm Court. More shopping to finish the new outfit I have to have. The Pennsic Independent comes out and I am in it!
With the buzz around town, the insistence on a new outfit, and such, I am 80% sure I might get an award. Possibly a King’s Chalice. What I did was pretty cool and everyone is talking about it. I believe I go to see those people I still owe vinegar to but hadn’t found yet. I also have a private tasting with Her Highness and Duchess Ainor. That goes well and I give Her Highness much of what I have left of the Sherry Amontiano vinegar. We go to Court. As is typical, virtually no one is sitting up front. We set up our chairs and wait. There is a lot of good stuff happening. Then Gunnar is called. He talks about the War Point and how his house has done very well. He talks about me a bit. I figure, “okay I guess I am getting a Chalice or something.” Then I hear the words, “I beg a boon.” I bow my head and a few tears fall. I walk up with Gertie. With all of it, I forget to hug Her Majesty. There are cheers, from many who are my friends. I am escorted to be back and hugs and “well deserved” and “it is about time” etc. Court finally is over and we go back to camp. There was a brewer’s and vinter’s party at Royal but I didn’t know about it beforehand so I don’t go. We drink mead at camp and I am mostly lost in thought.
I had gotten to be place where I didn’t need this but here it is at last. It is probably 2:00 before I get to bed. It is cold this night and Gertie is in pain.
Friday arrives. We pack up some stuff and Redi’s stuff needs to be packed up too. I want to see Wyrd Sisters tonight. Messages are coming in all day. There were some items we needed to get yet. So more shopping. I get a message from Her Majesty that I need to change the date for my elevation. So off to Royal for pleasant talk with Her Majesty and their Highnesses. Gertie wants to stay in a hotel tonight and have a decent meal. We do that before the show. Marie and Zsof (and really all of the cast) kill it. I really thought everyone did well in their roles. I am glad I could see what they have done.
Saturday we help pack out the camp and I need the Watch to move the trailer. The same person has been parked in front of the trailer most of the week and I can’t leave without the trailer. We hit the road and get home.
We will likely attend Pennsic again, probably 2025 for our next. It started off poorly and ended surreally. I did what I wanted to do and succeeded beyond hope. I have a grand party to plan. Mostly, I am glad I could pull off the vinegrier thing and that Gunnar got his win.
It turns out, the Laurelate knew for a few weeks. Gertie knew Sunday night. I hoped that it would/might happen in the future but not now. I thought I had made enough buzz at Pennsic that combat scribing was called for. I honestly didn’t know. I thought something else was happening. I appreciate everyone’s support for me and faith in me. As an oath I might take says, “if you see me taken with a weak heart, remind me of this oath I take here today.” See some of you at Crystal Ball.
