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Extrovert bias

I had this thought last week. There seems to be an extrovert bias in much of our culture. Let me explain.

Last week, I attended a seminar for our local Human Resources group. It was a good seminar but there were some things I thought about on this subject. We did one of those typical icebreakers; write your name down and give an adjective for each letter. The goal, the speaker said, was that this was a way to help those who are more shy brag on themselves. Similarly, I was prepping with a speaker at my work and he had some icebreaker type questions he was going to use with the group. I did say out loud to him, “I would not want to share that information if I was there.” I see this when I was in Purchasing too. Sales people were always trying to establish a personal connection by looking for or assuming my interests.

There seems to be a bias towards sharing information. Which is weird when cyber security is telling us over and over to NOT share information. There are many reasons a person may not be willing to share information and I think I found mine.

I was bullied a lot as a child. I moved around a lot so I was always an outsider. I had “weird” hobbies by the “normal” standards. I don’t share information because it is not safe to do so. Anything that made me more “weird’ was just fodder to be bullied some more. Add overreaction from parents or authority figures, and I kept even more information to myself. I think this reason holds for many of my friends. Sharing information leads to trouble or abuse. How will someone use that information against me?

Another example was a coworker asked me “doing anything exciting this weekend?” I think an extrovert thinks this is an innocent question. They want to establish a connection or learn something they don’t know. I spent a while trying to think, “what would this person think is exciting?” I was also thinking, “let’s say I am into something fringe. Perhaps consensual non-monogamy or BDSM. Does this person really want to know that? Do I really want to tell them that?” (for the record, I am not into either of those things; pretty vanilla in my weirdness.)

There is an argument that “perhaps you will form a connection with this person if you share.” For most of my hobbies and interests, if we have those in common, we likely already know. Things like TTRPGs, SCA, and various subcultures are small groups. We likely already have met in those environments and know if we have that in common.

Since part of my reluctance to share is a trauma response, I am a good chameleon. My accent shifted as we moved so I fit in better. I am a middle aged, cis, white dude. People think I am conservative or at least politically similar to them. I am not. I am pretty liberal, further than most would think. Shortly after the 2016 election, a coworker said to me in the hall, “I bet you voted for Trump.” It was asked in a way that the expected answer was an enthuastic yes! “Why would you think that?” I said with disgust.

I will wrap this up with the thought: a space is safe only if the people it is supposed to protect think it is safe. Saying “this is a safe space” doesn’t make it so. This applies to any and all groups. It is better to say those words and mean them than to not say them but still, the person being protected has to decide it is safe. It is a bit like a rescue animal. Until they are ready, they will stay in their kennel or whatever. They will try small things to see if it is “safe”. Only after several attempts and trial and error, will they decide it is safe to come out and explore something else. You can’t rush safety. Same with people. Safety may be offered but it is not safe until the other party says you earned it.

Clothes, Persona, SCA Life

Apple Tunic project – the hood

Now to start work. I have some of the undertunic done but I have decided to start on the hood. One, I have made hoods before so I have some good ideas how that should work. Two, it will be one of the more visible elements of the outfit.

Here is the mock up.

I have printed the embroidery bits on Sulky so I can adhere them to the cloth, stitch the patterns, then wash the backing away.
The wreath will be applique and a bit smaller than I wanted. But only a bit. It is ~8.25″ in diameter so you will see a lot of it. The apples and stick are about 3″ high by 3.5″ wide. I figure there will be ~ 15 of them on the hood itself. The hood will be lined with a darker green on the inside. I took the designs for both from the Traceable Heraldry site https://heraldicart.org/credits. My use of these images are for SCA use and for my personal use only. I have no intend to sell or represent these designs as my own.

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The AWOL Laurel

I referred to myself this way recently in a post. One of the things that is definitely missing from vigil advice and any onboarding documents for peerage is reference to the amount of peer (small p) pressure to attend certain events.

For instance, there is pressure to attend Crown and Coronation because as a Peer, you should show support for how the Crown is selected and be there to swear fealty. You should be at Kingdom A&S to judge, all of the Tournaments of Art to give advice to artisans, and The Royal University to teach and evaluate the teaching skills of others. That is 8 events per year right there (2 Crowns, 2 Coronations, 2 ToA). Add a potential regional A&S and maybe the regional A&S of the region next door, that is 10 events. Now add the pressure to attend any significant regional events and any events your group does, you have passed the 1 event per month threshold.

You are told that real life comes first and unless you do something really nasty, no one is going to take the Laurel away from you. But the pressure is there. For someone like me, that pressure can be bad.

Before real life made its own demands, I tried to attend one event per month. Some of those events were standard ones that I expected to go to : Maidens, Baroness Wars, Better War Through Archery. Some because I liked to go to them and they were supportive of my Art: Chieftains, Boars Head, Midlands Green. It was hard enough to add in other events to that roster. Now, it is impossible.

The obvious answer and the answer I chose is to go to the events I want to go to. As my real life allows, I go to what I can. But I already feel imposter syndrome and I have also been a person who feels that if you aren’t doing something, you are just a slug. The pressure can be too much.

On the whole, I am trying not let it bother me. I have higher obligations and those take priority. If that means I can’t go to a ToA, I can’t go and hopefully the order understands. If not, well, there is nothing they can do about it. I am very aware of what is important to me and while there is some importance to the SCA and being a Laurel, it is not top of the list.

Crown and RUM are next on my list. We will just have to see after that.