Vigilant to Peer – the liminal space

For the past several weeks, I have been a vigilant and this past weekend (Sept 3, 2022), I was at an event and the Order of the Laurel was called up. I didn’t go with them. One of the Laurels approached me later and asked, “why didn’t you go up?”

“I am not a laurel yet.” I replied.

“A formality,” they challenged.

“An important formality,” I answered. And with that, the conversation stopped.

I have heard of times when a vigilant is basically hauled by the shirt collar up with the order or thrust into a peerage meeting before they have even been officially made a peer. To each their own I suppose but I think it is wrong. I think the time between vigilant and peer is important in many ways and when it is allowed to happen, the vigilant should be allowed to experience that time.

The making of a peer is an initiation ceremony and a rite of passage. It is the ending of one part of one’s life and the beginning of another. Western society has precious few of these anymore and we should ensure the ones we have left are treated as meaningful and important. The SCA has decided (most times) that this is important so we put people on vigil.

The whole point to a vigil is introspection. In the Arthurian sense, the vigil before knighthood was a time to pray, purify, and make one right and whole with God. For only in a state of Grace, could one be made a Knight. But still in the SCA sense, the vigil is a time to think about how one might be worthy of the honor to be bestowed, what it will mean to be a peer, how things might be different as a peer, and to process the variety of advice one will receive. We like to think of the “vigil” as that discreet moment in time that one has their “party”. But I think it is unlikely that a person will have the time to process these important questions in the few hours that the “vigil” lasts. As I am sure many peers will agree, it may take years or decades to fully understand the transformations. The vigil lasts until the person knows they are ready.

Part of being a vigilant would also be observation. How does one do these tasks? Will it be with seriousness or mirth? As a stoic or an epicurian? What tasks am I being asked to do? You look with different eyes at many things. As a non-peer, seeing the order called up has a very different meaning than as a vigilant and then again as a peer of that order. Is there an unconscious order of precedence at play? Do certain members defer to others? Do certain members hang to the back or push to the front? Are newer peers expected to speak last or first? There are many unwritten rules that could be there (regardless of whether they actually are).

Lastly, in my case, obviously, the Order knew what was happening. At any time, I could have been pulled aside and told, “so-and-so will be put on vigil today. Please come up with the Order.” That to me would have been clear sign that the distinction between vigilant and peer is a thin line indeed. I might not have access to the lists yet but everyone in the order knew that. A private word to put me on the same information level as the others would have been proof positive that I was on the same level.

I don’t really mind though. I am enjoying this time between non-peer and peer. I am looking with new eyes how things are done and what that means for me. Because I can honestly say I am not yet a peer, I have some freedom. I don’t YET have the responsibilities of a peer but I know they are coming. I can spend the time thinking, observing, and processing things without having to do something about it yet.

Others have and will argue that this is a false division. You were put on vigil because you were recognized as the peer you always were. I even asked about that. “I would like advice on how to peer.” The response was (in a nice way), “you already know how to do that because we wouldn’t have made you one without it.” There is a world of difference between what I think I know and what you think I know. I would like to hear your take on it. Maybe you will say something I didn’t know or think about. Maybe we can have a conversation about the topic using your advice as a starting point. I am new at this. Assume I know nothing. At the very least, we will then have a common set of facts to work from.

I believe part of being a vigilant is also parsing the advice given. Let’s take for instance the common advice of “don’t take a dependent for a year.” Is there something magical about a year? Is there something wrong about taking a dependent before a year? The real advice is “take the time to learn who you are as a peer before taking a dependent.” That is the parse of the advice. The advice also reinforces that a vigilant needs time to understand what being a peer means to them.

In some ways, this is a similar space as between engaged and married. Sometimes, with some people, wearing that ring changes everything about them. Sometimes, the transition is seamless. Ideally, the space between engaged and married allows for time to think, grow, process, and accept, regardless of how ready you thought you might be.

I find the space between vigilant and peer to be similar space. I am watching, learning, and thinking about a lot, even with the small amount of advice I have been given. Even with the all of the time I have thought about making it to this status. I think that is important place for any vigilant. Soon, this space will be gone. Allow me to enjoy it while it remains.