In these posts,
I explored the headspace of becoming a Peer. I think this is the wrap up for this phase: the thinking.
As of right now, I think the euphoria of the ceremony has worn off and I am considering the question: what now?
Regardless of the elevation, I knew I would be doing less SCA stuff for the next year. And I told people as much. I want to go to CiderCon in January. Gertie and I have our 20th anniversary to celebrate. We have a trip planned with friends. After my mother died, I developed a bucket list of things I wanted to do and with the small inheritance, the means to do some of them. So, I knew I would do less SCA in the next 12 months. But I am also thinking, what now?
Up until Pennsic 49, I was focused on doing the vinegrier thing. I had plans to start branching into Asian vinegars. I had plans to work more with the ciders, which I am doing. But all of this was dependent on the vinegrier being a mild success. It is like running a race; when you reach the finish line, what is next?
I find myself in my head. What does this really mean? I was asked today if I wanted my byline for a class I will teach to be Master Oswyn Swann. I initially said “no”. I wasn’t trying to deny my new status. I was trying to minimize it. I rarely call my peer friends by their titles. And when I do, it is usually playfully. But then I replied back, “Yes, Master Oswyn Swann because it is what that class is about.” It is not that I am uncomfortable with the title; I remade my SCA business cards immediately with Master Oswyn Swann. But I am not sure where I go next?
You often get the advice of “keep doing what you are doing.” As a non-peer, that was frustrating advice. You want to know how to make it to next level. You want to know what you don’t know. As much as “keep doing what you are doing” is often the correct advice, as a non-peer, you don’t want to hear that.
I was also given the advice of “keep doing what you are doing” at my vigil. Again, I think it is the correct advice but it feels hollow.
I think the juxtaposition of the two is interesting. Frustrating verses ennui. It is probably just how I am. I often get passionate about something and I am never as interesting as when I have a new passion to talk about. But some times, I have done as much as I want with that thing. Where is my new inspiration? To quote Inigo, “I hate waiting.”
I don’t think I have any meaningful insight to share here. Other things need my attention and I find myself wondering what my next step is. The advice that parses to “take some time to figure out who Master Oswyn is” initially fell on deaf ears but now is sublime. Yeah, I need to figure out who this guy is now.
