Note: This post is from months ago. It just took me a long time to finish it.
The subject I want to address is the advice you will get before you have your diagnosis. You will get it afterwards too or advice that sounds a lot like it.
You just have to try harder. You just have to focus more. You just have to <fill in the blank>.
I guarantee you that everyone single neurodivergent person is already trying as hard as they can to succeed with whatever their condition is. My therapist talked about this during one of our first sessions. “You just have to try harder. What does THAT look like?” and then made a face like he was constipated.
Every single day, I am trying. There is no day that I go into work and say, “Today, I am just not going to try.” My intention is to be do the best I can. Some days, my best is pretty good. Some days, my best is not that great. I should say it is task by task though, not day by day. If I have remembered to drink, pause, refocus, reread the thing several times, recalculated the thing several times, eat, do some breathing exercises, etc, then I probably do that task pretty well. If various things worked against me and I didn’t do those things, then that task may not be done well.
You will see things like hyperfocus for people with ADHD. Some advice claims it is a super-power. It is not something someone can command to happen. It is something that just happens. If you are lucky, you can hyperfocus on the thing you want to hyperfocus on. But most of the time, if it happens, it is not what you want.
At the time I started this post, I could feel when my medication started and when it stopped. It is a good part of any day, but it is not the whole day. The thing you need me to do might happen after my medication has worn off.
You will be given advice to use a planner, to make reminders, to use an app, etc. Here is the challenge. These things might work sometimes, or they might not work at all. One of the biggest challenges for anyone with a mental health issue is they have to somehow “fix” it. You have to use the tool you have, which needs something to make it work well, to fix itself. You have to learn to recognize your own triggers, hack your own brain to respond to those triggers, then develop habits. Professionals can give you a lot of insight on what may be happening but ultimately, you have to do all the work. With ADHD, sometimes you do things on impulse. You have to accept that the thing didn’t happen the way it should have that time and move on.
Many mental health issues come with memory issues too. Now, you have to hope that your logical functions reach the same conclusion each time you do the task. If 5% of the time you don’t, it will be noticeable. How many natural 1’s do you roll in a gaming session?
The point is, every one with mental health challenges is trying. They are trying really hard. They are trying to understand themselves, their condition, and what techniques will work for them. And if they stop working, they are trying to do it all again.
