As I mentioned before, I often delete posts as I am writing them. I think however, these thoughts should go out.
I have had several work colleagues ask how Pennsic was. Pennsic had several high points but it was for the most part miserable. Most of it was the weather. I was there for 10 days and most days were very hot. My brain just didn’t function right in that heat. The days that weren’t very hot were very wet. That limited some of what I could do. Some of the things I wanted to do were cancelled or just not worth getting soaked for.
But more than that is why did I go and what did I learn. I went because there were things I wanted to do. I had deliveries to make and I wanted to make sure Gunnar had a good time. And I have shopping I needed to do and Pennsic would have that. I learned about the imbalance in some of my relationships and sometimes I am more generous than I should be.
I unconsciously did two things at Pennsic before I became aware I was doing them. I started telling certain people how they were important to me. I think most people were taken a little back by it but ultimately knew it came from an authentic space. Some of those people got a sample of the culmination (to date) of my A&S path in the SCA. At some point, I realized I was doing this and it felt a little like a good bye tour. That isn’t what it was or is. I may be more selective in what I go to going forward but I don’t see stopping the SCA in the future. But I learned that for some, I am merely an acquaintance, even if I thought there was more there. That is fine. Better to learn that sooner than later.
I also started paying more attention to spaces were I was truly welcome. There were fewer of them that I thought. Again, this is fine. Better to learn this sooner than later.
I made an acquaintance who said to me that (I am paraphrasing here), Pennsic is a bunch of people in the same space doing their own thing. I thought about this. I did notice that theater people tended to be at theater events. Music people tended to be at music events. Scribes huddle with their pens, inks, and colors and do their thing. So on and so forth. I mean I really noticed. I would attend commedia performance and most of the audience would be other commedia people. Not all but most.
Then I thought about me. I am at this commedia thing. I am at this music thing. I am at a thrown weapons thing. I am talking with scribes and heralds, and service oriented people, and a few cooks, glass workers, and silver smiths, and etc. I even had a good encounter with the Tuchux! If many people are in their silos, why am I not in a silo?
There are many gifts Verena gave to me but I think adopting me into her bar was among the greatest. Because the tavern keeper interacts with nearly everyone. I am not just at Pennsic (or any event) to just be with “my people”. “My people” has a bigger definition. A tavern doesn’t run without brewers, cooks, entertainment, customers, and servers, in short, everyone.
Pennsic is often called home. When you go there, they say “welcome home.” Pennsic for many is work. Some things need a large number of people to do well and Pennsic is one of the few places you will get enough people to do that. So, it is work for those who put on the battles, and the performance, and the activities so others can enjoy it. Pennsic for me is where the magic can happen but it isn’t home. I had two magical moments and that may be more than my share. Pennsic for me has been a learning experience.
I am not saying I will not go again but I can’t help but ponder the lessons I have been taught. There are other places where I am more welcome. There are other places I can make a difference. There is another place that is truly home. I will try to spend more time in those places and with those people.
