Although I haven’t sat my vigil yet, people have started giving me advice.
I am okay with that. For those that have, it is likely they won’t make my vigil or it was easier to grab me when they did. I am all in favor of advice. It is like feedback though. Earlier in my blog, I talk about feedback and advice is kind of like future-tense feedback. It is like giving feedback before you make it to the event that you might get feedback about. And that is a good thing.
Like feedback, you should give some thought to your advice. I have gotten a few of the old chestnuts so far. I understand the appeal of the old chestnut. After all, someone has to give that advice and if you don’t know the person well, giving tried and true advice is better than nothing. But really good advice takes forethought.
For instance, “look before you leap” is often good advice. But if I am not ever inclined to leap, it isn’t very practical advice. So give some thought to your advice. What do you know about the person you are giving advice to? Are they the kind of person who needs the warning/advice you are going to give? Is there different advice you might give that is more in line with the person’s likely actions/disposition?
Some old chestnuts are just not applicable. “Don’t take any wooden nickels” might have meant something at one time but my local farmer’s market allows you to exchange money for wooden tokens that the vendors do accept. In this particular case, “don’t take any wooden nickels” is the opposite of what should happen. I mentioned in my liminal spaces entry that I have to parse the advice to see what is actually being said.
I fall into the trap as well. Having something pithy to say feels smart. My normal advice is “make your presence normal, not notable.” But for someone who is already omnipresent, is this really the best advice I could give? No. I should spend some time thinking about it.
I have found the best advice so far as been as a conversation, not a one-liner. Share your experience. “When I started out, I did this and this is what happened.” Or at least start a dialogue.
I was asked, “what advice would you like?” I replied, “I need advice on how to peer. How do I evaluate someone’s work?” The person said, “we wouldn’t have chosen you if you already didn’t know how to do that.” That may be but since I am asking, I am not confident in myself. So let’s have a conversation about what asked. Maybe our conversation will illuminate something I was unsure about or give me a point of view I hadn’t thought about. Maybe our conversation will give each of us something to think about.
Some of the best advice so far was also given to my wife. I think that is important in this case. It never hurts to remind me that she is important. It doesn’t hurt to give her advice on how to be the spouse of a peer when she isn’t one.
I have framed this in response to becoming a Peer but really this can apply whenever you give advice. Think about what the other person needs to hear, based on their circumstances. Think about what they actually asked to know more about.
I do truly thank everyone who has given me advice so far. It has not fallen on deaf ears. I am taking it in, deciding what it really means and how/whether I should act on it. These are all valid exercises.
Just some more thoughts while I am in this liminal space.
