I referred to myself this way recently in a post. One of the things that is definitely missing from vigil advice and any onboarding documents for peerage is reference to the amount of peer (small p) pressure to attend certain events.
For instance, there is pressure to attend Crown and Coronation because as a Peer, you should show support for how the Crown is selected and be there to swear fealty. You should be at Kingdom A&S to judge, all of the Tournaments of Art to give advice to artisans, and The Royal University to teach and evaluate the teaching skills of others. That is 8 events per year right there (2 Crowns, 2 Coronations, 2 ToA). Add a potential regional A&S and maybe the regional A&S of the region next door, that is 10 events. Now add the pressure to attend any significant regional events and any events your group does, you have passed the 1 event per month threshold.
You are told that real life comes first and unless you do something really nasty, no one is going to take the Laurel away from you. But the pressure is there. For someone like me, that pressure can be bad.
Before real life made its own demands, I tried to attend one event per month. Some of those events were standard ones that I expected to go to : Maidens, Baroness Wars, Better War Through Archery. Some because I liked to go to them and they were supportive of my Art: Chieftains, Boars Head, Midlands Green. It was hard enough to add in other events to that roster. Now, it is impossible.
The obvious answer and the answer I chose is to go to the events I want to go to. As my real life allows, I go to what I can. But I already feel imposter syndrome and I have also been a person who feels that if you aren’t doing something, you are just a slug. The pressure can be too much.
On the whole, I am trying not let it bother me. I have higher obligations and those take priority. If that means I can’t go to a ToA, I can’t go and hopefully the order understands. If not, well, there is nothing they can do about it. I am very aware of what is important to me and while there is some importance to the SCA and being a Laurel, it is not top of the list.
Crown and RUM are next on my list. We will just have to see after that.
